Ghost.

She seeks her solace in the comfort of the hard shower floor. There her tears are safe. Trapped and covered by the hot flowing water. Confined by the small space and allowed to exist and feel. She ceases to exist the second she leaves it. She becomes a ghost again. Unable to be. Unable to truly be a part of the world. Floating through these days. Never fully attached. A bothersome nuisance; unwanted but unable to disappear. Trapped here by an unseen hand.

 They hear her cries and wails. They see the destruction of her pain. They turn away though unsure of how to handle this creation. Little do they know how it was them that created this ghost. This former version of herself. Hallowed out and emptied of everything that had held her down. 

Her existence now floating about and breaking about and breaking off the last of her old self. A new creation but still attached to this world but cast out by it. Their eyes stare right through her. She once existed so strong and her feet held tight to the sturdy ground. She once had purpose and a path. 

She once existed.

 Now she can even see through herself. She can see the inner parts of herself and doesn't like what she sees. The ugly hate filled parts. The self that she relies on to protect her own heart. The deep cut of cynicism that allows her to escape. For her the weights of the world hold her here and break her apart. The constant attack on her mind and heart kills her. 

No one on this earth can help her. No one here can see the damage. The people around her only know she exists but don't understand where she belongs. So they pass her by, concerned by her cries, fearful of her wailing, and unaware of how deep her pain is. It's a cruel and wary place to exist. To be the ghost of herself.

 How can this be? How can she have come so far from where she started only to fall back to where she had begun? She had been a ghost before. She had been made whole and complete. Filled to overflowing and solid. The anger of how she is again here shakes her. Why would this girl be given a taste of freedom if the plan was to put her shackles back on? Why would she be made part of this world if the plan was to strip her of it? 

This seems like the purpose of her life. The constant temptation of earthly comforts to be met with the delusion of false hope. Met firmly in the heart with the reality of how broken it all is. Forced to see it, taste it, and hear it. Unable to touch it or exist in it. 

Marked by her Savior as one that can't exist here but attached to this world. 

What will become of this forgotten and alone ghost? This is where she will always be because it is where she has always been. Seeking her solace in the moments she can escape. Finding it only when she is alone. On the cold floors and tiny spaces of this world so that her empty self can find pieces of hope and freedom.

She is a ghost. Untouchable. Her fate already sealed, promised, and delivered. She will take these steps alone. Floating through the broken paths and cut up roads. Feeling the pains and dying each day. Saved though by her ghost like existence because that's who she was made to be. Saved in her drowning pain and met by the Savior in the tears and loneliness. 

She is a ghost but she attached to His hand.